Hilarious article from the U.K.'s Register, forwarded to me by a cheeky monkey named "Bob":
So, let's recap the fixed costs of existing: we've got $6.74 trillion to work with, and inevitable expenses of $3.96 trillion. But surely, our remaining $2.78 trillion should take us a long way toward enjoying the good life.
...Our tendency to enjoy tobacco costs us $167bn per year in health costs and lost productivity. And mere second-hand smoke costs $10bn more....Our penchant for alcoholic drink, a nourishing indulgence without which civilization itself would be impossible, robs us of $185bn in health costs and lost productivity.
Fast foods, and overeating in general, are a major problem that cost us $13bn in lost productivity, and $102bn in additional health costs....Meat consumption, Puritanical psychotics want us to know, costs $1 trillion in medical expenses. But we're rejecting that outrageous bit of lunacy in favor of some barely-less outrageous lunacy, and are calculating the price at $61.4bn in medical costs.
...we'll calculate only the downside of gambling: the bankruptcies, suicides, thefts, and frauds perpetrated by the newly-destitute, which comes in at a cheerful $54bn.
...lost wages, broken families, theft, murder - the drugs racket has got it all. The cost to society is $97.7bn, and the cost of the drugs themselves adds another $57.3bn. We know this because the NIH says it's so.
...health benefits paid by employers...for the moment, is a mere $383.2bn. To this we must add the cost of insurance fraud, which drains $96.8bn from the coffers of the good hands in which we all rest secure.
..And lest we forget, there is the $31bn in business costs that retail theft exacts....cybercrime. It costs businesses $400bn a year, we are told....dealing with (spam) at work accounts for $17bn in lost productivity....On top of that, unauthorized web surfing on the job drains our good employers of another $178bn.
cost of illegal immigration...we found a very modest statistic claiming that the national cost is a mere $10bn, and cite it here.
Now let's wrap up with the NCAA Tournament representing $3.8bn in lost productivity, the Super Bowl, which represents $821.4m in lost productivity, and the World Series, which represents $465m in lost productivity.
We come up with a grand total of $7.39 trillion - well in excess of the $6.70 trillion that actually exists.
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